


Everything is fine (i lied)

by maybekyuu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, felix seems like an asshole but i promise he changes in a second, for now, like a lot, lowkey sub changbin, no smut tho, woojin overthinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 07:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20149825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybekyuu/pseuds/maybekyuu
Summary: If you were to ask chan, everything was fine.(Except it wasn't)





	Everything is fine (i lied)

it was another day at the stray kids dorm, chan could hear the youngest members wake up and try not to wake the others up.

"seungmin! be quiet you're gonna wake chan hyung up! he barely got any sleep last night!"

"its not my fault he overworks himself! i'm being as quiet as i can be jeongin!"

The duo whisper yelled at each other.

"yeah 'as quiet as i can be' my ass, i could hear you from my room for fucks sake."

felix joined the conversation that would be cut off by woojin in seconds now.

woojin huffed and got out of his bed, making his way over to chan. he pulled the covers up and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

he calmly walked out the door and shut it.

"i hope you are not planning a sacrificial, if you are, you're doing a terrible job at keeping quiet." woojin sarcastically joked.

"tell that to seungmin" felix mumbled while walking to the kitchen.

the trio watched him walk away. woojin thought the silence was the perfect opportunity to tell the maknaes about chan and how they should let him sleep.

"i hope you're aware of the fact that chan got a 46 minute sleep last night. i suggest we let him sleep and wake up by himself."

"that's what i was trying to do hyung! i wanted to prepare breakfast for everyone but seungmin and his big mouth ruined it!" jeongin said while trying to act innocent.

"me ?! you were the one who woke **me** up! I could've been sleeping right now!" seungmin argued back.

woojin just smiled and walked to the kitchen which he would soon find out that it wasn't the best choice to make since the first thing he saw when he got in was felix pinning changbin while sucking in his neck.

"ahem.." woojin (fake) coughed to get the couples attention.

woojin could swear he had never seen changbin turn his head that fast.

"a-ah hyung how n-nice to se-see you he-" changbins sentence (read: stutter) was cut off by felix who held his hand and made his way out of the kitchen while looking like he was going to murder someone (which was true, but the thing he was going to murder was changbin's ass).

"way to kill the mood, hyung." felix said too loudly to be a whisper while passing woojin.

woojin just sighed and closed his eyes for a minute, trying to make the bad thoughts go away.

_he just had a bad sleep, he's not angry at you. why would he be ? you did nothing wrong. or did you ? what if you did and you're not aware of and he'll slowly start hating you and_\- woojin was starting to panic while the voices in his head kept spitting venom.

thank god a voice, a real voice, pulled him out of his miserable state.

"he's really angry, he didn't get his morning suck by changbin." hyunjin said to him.

hyunjin. hyunjin. bless hyunjin for talking. his voice always seemed to calm the elder down. if it wasn't for hyunjin, woojin would've gone full panic mode.

woojin must've stared blankly at hyunjin, cause the taller one was giving him a weird face.

woojin blinked, trying to focus on hyunjin and what he was saying again.

"excuse me- could you repeat that please jinnie ?"

hyunjin just sighed, looking bored

bored. bored. bored of talking. bored of talking to woojin. **bored of woojin**

hyunjin pointed at woojin, then at the cereal box, and lastly at his almost empty cereal bowl.

woojin took a second or two to understand what the younger wanted.

he got himself a bowl and the box, then walked to the counter where hyunjin was eating, one hand occupied by his phone, the other open and waiting for the cereal box to be put in his palm.

woojin did exactly what the younger expected and gave him the box. hyunjin poured more cereal and set the box aside, not sparing another glance at woojin.

woojin was okay with that, he knew they didn't have to talk more, they were gonna eat anyways.

it was silent, almost calming, the only sound was the sound hyunjin's nails made as they came in contact with his phone's screen.

woojin was enjoying the silence until it got interrupted by the one and only-

"morning granddaddies, no way, why isn't there a couple sucking each others faces off?!" jisung exclaimed acting like he was actually searching for them.

"last time i checked you still had a brain, did you get rid of it just like you god rid of my dolphin underwear?!" hyunjin stated dramatically and put is fist on the table, rather loudly.

"hey now, chan is still asleep, keep your voices down a bit-" woojin's dad talk was interrupted by the little asshole himself-

"that's not what you said last night." jisung said with a wink.

the couple bursted out laughing.

woojin just sighed, he was sure chan was awake by now, he could come in any minute and see this mess.

while the duo was busy laughing, and woojin was overthinking, more members joined them in the kitchen.

first to come in was seungmin followed closely by an angry looking jeongin.

_they must've continued arguing after i left _woojin thought.

then a bang could be heard through the dorm. woojin cringed at the sound and how unnecessarily loud it was.

minho's groaning mixed with cursing was heard before minho came in looking irritated.

"who the fuck stole my glasses, i can't see shit." minho said angrily.

everyone looked at each other, then minho, unsure of what to say to him in his state in anger.

finally jisung stepped closer and closer to him until they were face to face.

he looked up at minho's hair and pulled the glasses out of his hair, then handed them to minho.

minho looked embarrassed but jisung just ignored it and pecked his lips (which would turn into a make out session if woojin wasn't there).

woojin zoned out again, wondering if chan woke up. he came back to reality thanks to the fingers snapping in front of his face.

"hyung? hyung. hyung come back to me!"

there stood changbin, looking worried while snapping his fingers, behind him stood felix, happy.

_he probably got his suck_ woojin thought.

when changbin noticed woojin was focused again, he sighed.

"you should really stop zoning out like that, it scares me, you know ?" changbin said.

"sorry binnie, hey- did you eat anything ? i can prepare breakfast for you if you-" woojin tried changing the topic but he was interrupted -again- by felix this time.

"he got his morning snack" felix said smirking.

changbin blushed furiously and stuttered out a quick "I'll eat cereal, thanks for your concern, hyung."

woojin glanced around the room, making sure everyone either ate or was eating. he felt like a proud dad. he loved that feeling.

in chan's room was a completely different story.

he had woken up even before seungmin and jeongin did. he tried going back to sleep but it was useless. he needed get out of bed and become productive.

he was snapped out of his thoughts by the maknaes arguing loudly.

chan was getting ready to sigh and get out of bed to ask the youngers what the problem was but he freezed when woojin did the exact same.

woojin's footsteps came closer and chan's covers got pulled up. something chappy -which chan supposed was woojin's lips- touched his forehead and pulled away.

chan was trying so hard to control his breathing that he didn't hear the older get out and shut the door.

chan had been awake since then. chan had been awake since he heard hyunjin get up to use the bathroom. **chan had been awake since he went to bed.**

chan couldn't sleep, no matter what he tried -counting sheeps, singing the longest song he knew to himself, hell, he even tried thinking of nice things- he couldn't fall asleep.

when chan was sure everyone was in the kitchen (which was hard to do since he had to trust fully to his hearing ability) he went over to his closet, opened it and got his old pair of converse out.

no, he wasn't going to wear them. instead he turned them over so the heel of the shoe was facing him.

a little cut could be seen on the shoe's downside. he pushed his fingers in and pulled back after he felt the metal cut his finger. he muttered a quick "shit" but he was determined to get it out.

he tried again with his other hand.

ended up with another cut on his finger.

he tried for the third time.

_reach in_ he waited for the pain to come.

it never came, so he gripped the metal and pulled it out.

there stood a razor blade.

**his razor blade**

he got up and walked to his bed, sat slowly to not make any creaking sound that would alarm other members.

he looked at his razor, then his left arm which had (almost) fully healed cuts, that turned into scars now.

_i've been clean for 2 months now_ he thought as he dug the sharp edge of the razor into his soft skin.

_woojin would be disappointed in me _he thought as he started on another cut.

_aren't i a failure, woojin?_ he finished his second cut and moved onto do the third.

he continued like that for a while, until he reached his 9th cut, his arm was a bleeding mess by now. dried blood, fresh blood, dripping blood, all mixed up in one canvas called chan's arm.

he put the razor aside and reached for the paper towel on his bedside table. he pressed hard on the cuts to stop the bleeding a bit.

once he was satisfied with his clean (?) arms, he threw on a hoodie. his mind was focused on one task: take a shower and maybe stop feeling miserable.

he quietly opened the door to waddle in to the bathroom. he thanked whatever god creature was up there for not being seen by any of the members.

he did his basic shower routine that involved his favourite strawberry shampoo (which him and woojin shared) and staring blankly at the wall.

_shower. shower is on. chan. chan woke up ?_ woojin's mind wasn't focused again, instead thinking about the possibility of the person in the shower being chan. his eyes were too lazy to focus but he knew he had to.

with one last deep sigh he got himself on his feet and made his way to his and chan's room.

the first thing he noticed when he got in was the closet door.

_it's open_ he thought.

_chan probably just took clothes_ he reasoned.

he closed the closet door and made his way to chan's bed to make the bed.

he reached for the covers and was about to pull them up until he noticed a shiny object laying on his bed, abandoned.

woojin panicked and tried reasoning with himself again.

_he probably got it out to give it to me_ he talked in his mind

_yes that's probably it, he promised me he wouldn't do it again. he's been clean for months-_ woojin was panicking again when his thoughts got interrupted by chan walking in.

"hi woojinnie" chan said with a sleepy voice.

"chan" woojin said with all the courage he had left after his panicking.

"chan what is this." woojin said and showed him the razor.

"chan what the fuck is this."

chan stared at the razor.

his eyes filled with tears, threatening to spill.

chan just grabbed the razor from woojin's hand -even though his hand would start bleeding 'cause of the blade in a minute- and stormed out of the room.

"good morning channie hyung! want some cerea-" jisung's offer was interrupted by a door slamming, indicating chan locked himself in the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first book on ao3 so like i'm really new. anyways feel free to feed my ego  
( ◜‿◝ )♡  
-kyuu  



End file.
